How to Identify a Prostitute

There are 3 ways to identify a prostitute:

1. A woman is at a bar with friends, has a few drinks, and uses the bathroom.
2. A woman is standing on the corner and has more than 3 condoms in her purse.
3. A woman tells you, this is going to cost you.

Footnote 1: Special thanks to the bouncer at Rocket Bar who called me a whore and a prostitute for using the male bathroom. Even bigger thanks for kicking me out and yelling while I left that I was a whore repeatedly.  Lastly, major thanks to management for doing nothing after my complaint. Classy establishment.

Footnote 2: Oh, DC - 3 condoms and no destination

Footnote 3: At least she was honest.

Seek And You Shall Find

Rule #26

If he's flirting while you're looking, then he's fuckin' when you're not.

...And He'll Never See It Coming.

This Is Why I'm Single: Installment 3

There's a moment when you're "dating" someone that you realize the relationship has an expiration date of something organic you purchased a week ago - if you're like me your first thought is to ignore whatever idiocy triggered this reaction, and you're next one is Mmm Hell No! I Need Out, But This <insert paltry rationale here> Is Too Good.

Confession # 1: I love keeping a secret - it's my natural Extasy surge.

Confession # 2:  I will not excuse my behavior, I do this because I'm annoyed that I now have to start the awkward dating process again, and I want some form of ROI for the effort I've put in. Thus, I am a repeat offender of "Surprise! That Was Goodbye Sex." I generally have a smirk and it's probably hotter and more passionate than anything that has brewed between us prior, after all, I want to leave a memorable imprint -- but I will never contact or respond to you ever again, I'll never explain why, and if I see you in my hood I'll look pass you.

Judge me.

...or write a comment below.

Timeout Isn't Just For Preschoolers.

Rule #25

If your love interest stops making you a priority - McNabb Them - aka put them on the sideline. A mandatory pause is the reboot or the escape button in life, the viagra or the prozac with your cocktail, the citation on the wiki of ThisIsRight or ImBetterThanThis.