...And He'll Never See It Coming.

This Is Why I'm Single: Installment 3

There's a moment when you're "dating" someone that you realize the relationship has an expiration date of something organic you purchased a week ago - if you're like me your first thought is to ignore whatever idiocy triggered this reaction, and you're next one is Mmm Hell No! I Need Out, But This <insert paltry rationale here> Is Too Good.

Confession # 1: I love keeping a secret - it's my natural Extasy surge.

Confession # 2:  I will not excuse my behavior, I do this because I'm annoyed that I now have to start the awkward dating process again, and I want some form of ROI for the effort I've put in. Thus, I am a repeat offender of "Surprise! That Was Goodbye Sex." I generally have a smirk and it's probably hotter and more passionate than anything that has brewed between us prior, after all, I want to leave a memorable imprint -- but I will never contact or respond to you ever again, I'll never explain why, and if I see you in my hood I'll look pass you.

Judge me.

...or write a comment below.

Timeout Isn't Just For Preschoolers.

Rule #25

If your love interest stops making you a priority - McNabb Them - aka put them on the sideline. A mandatory pause is the reboot or the escape button in life, the viagra or the prozac with your cocktail, the citation on the wiki of ThisIsRight or ImBetterThanThis.

I Talked To God Today

This morning I had a talk with God on my walk to work asking him why I kept meeting the wrong guy. To my shock he immediately responded.

"I sent you the short Indian guy that asked you personal questions at the stop light for 74 seconds [a listener] , the homeless guy that wanted to rub you down [a masseur], and the guy in the white van who followed you for 2 blocks and pulled over to get your attention [personal chauffeur]."

Moral of the story - the divine one may not be my best matchmaker, but a major thanks to God for being in touch with all of these men on my behalf, perhaps I should be more specific on what I want.

You dated him too?

Rule #24

Date outside your social circle that way you never have to worry about having a venn diagram situation with a friend.

Example 1:  Democrats living in DC = Date Republicans

Example 2: Black chic at school with small black population = Date white guys

Example 3: WV native =  Date your cousin's friend